The Monkey Test

Not too long ago I was reading an article (don't ask me why) about professional cheerleaders. One such cheerleader was interviewed for the piece, and voiced her disappointment that people still believe in the dumb cheerleader stereotype, countering that cheerleaders work really hard. Um, pardon me, but just because you work hard at something doesn't mean you're not stupid. I'm not saying that all cheerleaders are dumb, but certainly that they work hard, which by the way I do not doubt, is no defense.

Thus, I propose the monkey test. If a well-trained monkey could do your job as well as or better than you, then you don't get to use the "but my job is really hard work" defense. Professional cheerleaders, sorry, that means you. A monkey might very well be even better at cheerleading than a human woman, though not as sexy (ahem, to most people). A monkey couldn't do my job, a monkey couldn't do Reuben's job, but a monkey could certainly do a cheerleader's job.

Once again, even if you do perform a job that a monkey could do, it doesn't necessarily mean you're stupid (though it may increase my suspicions somewhat), but you are absolutely not allowed to defend your job, say, loading boxes onto UPS trucks, by saying that it's really hard work. It is, but that's no defense at all against the charge that UPS package slinging is an occupation that a complete moron could engage in, because a monkey absolutely could do that job. Except UPS employees probably stop to fling poo less often.