Kittens are really cute. This does not mean that we will automatically adopt all cute little kittens spawned by the evil strays (see the prisoners). So when our grotesquely fat white-trash neighbors offered us one, which she found when, in a rare break from screaming at her variously complected children, she was cleaning out her shithole backyard, we did not take it. I bravely fought the human instinct to take whatever is held out in an offering manner, and left the kittens in her flubby, glove-covered paws. It was tiny and cute, in an eyes-not-yet-open, not-really-cute-yet way, and looked just like Eloise. Because we are not crazy cat people, and dammit, we will not become crazy cat people.
Now, I could easily become a crazy cat person, taking in every stray kitten with even a modicum of adorability--but then my house would swiftly become coated in cat poop in an unpleasant fashion. And I can easily do without a new carpet made entirely of cat poop (though a new carpet made of polyester fibers or whatever carpet is made of would be ok). So, neighbors, if you have internet access (which I sincerely doubt, unless maybe it's AOL), do not bring us the tiny kittens you find. You and you alone must deal, preferably not at the top of your lungs, with your children shrieking "Can we keep it? Canwecanwecanwe?" and if it dies, which it probably will, it will be in your custody. So nyah.